Past Scars- Ch.8

Chapter 8


Harry barely felt himself being carried down a dark corridor, his mind too much of a mess to comprehend anything more important than that. His heart felt heavy, his body hurt and he wanted it all to end. All this pain, all this suffering he felt inside. Just. To. End.

Harry’s consciousness was sinking deeper inside his mind and he could feel his body respond in turn. Soon, he thought, soon I won’t feel anything anymore.

Snape increased his pace when Harry’s breathing began to shallow. He’d found the man slouched against a wall, unconscious with that infection on his chest having spread to cover his whole torso. Snape could tell that the longer he took to get to the infirmary the higher the chance that the magical coma Harry was trying to inflict on himself would succeed.

Snape burst through the infirmary doors, “POPPY!” Shuffling could be heard before the medical nurse rushed in from her office,

“Severus?” Her breath caught in her throat when she caught sight of the thin bundle in his arms, “Oh dear Merlin…” She cleaned off a bed for him, ushering Serverus over, “Lay him here. I’ll do a-”

“No time,” Severus stated, “He’s trying to inflict a coma onto himself. We need to neutralize his magic and keep his consciousness from sinking lower into his subconscious.”

Poppy paused, “But, but if we neutralize his magic in his current condition then there is a good chance that he’ll…that he’ll die, Severus…” She whispered, flinching when Snape regarded her with a cold, icy glare,

“Don’t you think I know the risk?! I’m not fucking stupid Poppy! If we don’t neutralize his magic there’s a good chance that he’ll never wake up again. Which would you rather prefer, because, by the looks of things we only have a couple of minutes left before it’ll all be pointless.” He hissed. Madame Pomfrey visibly paled and trembled, staring at the emotionless boy in front of her.

“I’ll…I’ll neutralize him.” Poppy decided. She pulled out her wand and quickly chanted a spell in Latin, watching solemnly as a shot of dark green magic escaped her wand and hit the young man directly above his heart. Harry’s body glowed pale silver before his being started rejecting his inner magic. Snape lunged forward, pinning the boy down as he began thrashing on top of the bed.

A horrifying scream escaped Harry’s lips and it nearly took everything Snape had to not cry at the sound. It lasted another couple of minutes before Harry’s body went completely limp.

Snape pulled back slowly as Poppy rushed over, checking his vitals. She was silent for a moment before nodding slowly to Snape, sighing in relief, “He’s still got a pulse.” Snape let out the breath he was holding and collapsed tiredly into a chair, holding his face in his hands. He’d never felt so old in his life. Not even when dealing with the Dark Lord.

Snape felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up, staring at a bottle of Calming Draught, “You look like you need one more than me at the moment.” He nodded his thanks before downing the small glass bottle in one go. She patted his shoulder afterwards and retrieved the bottle from his grasp, “I’m going to go inform Albus on what has happened tonight. You are welcome to stay the night to watch over Harry. In fact, I think that it is mandatory for your presence to stay here tonight.” She smiled softly and conjured an extra bed out of a small fern next to Harry’s bed. “Goodnight, Severus.”

Severus didn’t even remember hitting the mattress before succumbing to sleep.

Harry opened his eyes groggily, staring up at a white ceiling, “How’d I…?” He stared down at his black chest, running his hand up and down his body, I…I don’t hurt anymore? He looked over at the bed next to him and gasped, scooting back as far as he could without falling off the bed. Snape had been pressed right up against him, hands nearly intertwined. A sliver of happiness flittered through him before an unprecedented surge of hatred washed through him overcoming his small bit of happiness.

Snape lay perfectly still, having been awake long before the young man had stirred to consciousness. He pretended to shift and stretch, bones cracking loudly. Snape released a sigh and opened his eyes, making a show of rubbing the sleep out of them. He nodded curtly in Harry’s direction, “Good Morning.”

“Don’t talk to me!” Harry shouted, clambering out of his bed and running out the infirmary doors. Snape paused, confused, before climbing out of bed and chasing after the boy,

Damn idiot! He seethed. All he’d done was say good morning to him! There was no need to yell at him this early in the morning! He wasn’t even supposed to leave the infirmary yet till Poppy could check him out!

Snape moved to turn the corner but stopped short when he noticed Umbridge talking to Harry in whispered tones. He craned his head and muttered a quick, wandless, listening spell.

“…you are to put this in the Headmaster’s drink at dinner tonight. If you fail I’ll rip out another piece of your faggish soul and make sure that your beloved Potion’s Professor suffers an even worse fate. Do I make myself clear?” she hissed.

Harry nodded, hiding the vial in one of his pants pockets, “I understand my mistress. I will not fail you.” He muttered. She glared,

“I cannot hear you, you piece of filth!” She shook him roughly. Harry cowered at her touch, shrinking back,

“I-I understand Mistress!” he yelped. She let go, a smirk plastered on her pudgy face,

“Well then, I’ll see you tonight my little puppet.” She turned around and walked down the hallway back to her classroom. Harry turned around, running back in the direction of the infirmary and straight into the waiting arms of the Potion’s Professor. His eyes went wide behind his glasses and he scrambled to get out of the vice-like grip Snape had around his waist,

“Let, let me go you bastard!” He shouted, beating his fists against the older man’s chest. He lashed out with his feet, trying to kick Snape’s shins when he didn’t release him. Soon, Harry’s tirade slowed as he began to lose energy before stopping completely to lean fully on Snape, “I…I hate you…” He muttered, his body shaking slightly. Snape only hugged him tighter.

They stood there for who knows how long until Snape finally whispered, “Do you truly hate me? Or is this Umbridge’s hate? Is she forcing you to hate me?” He rubbed small circles along Harry’s back, trying to relax him.

Harry whimpered, “I…I can’t…She’ll hurt me…She’ll hurt me then she’ll hurt you…” He looked up at Snape pleadingly, “Don’t make me…please don’t make me!”

Snape’s eyes hardened as his heart clenched painfully, “I can take care of myself Potter.” He waited for a response and sighed when he got none. He released his grip on Harry’s waist and watched as he ran down the hall and out of sight.

Snape moved to follow him but turned around and made his way down the hall towards the Headmaster’s office. He’d done it! He’d proven that Umbridge was the cause and, now, Dumbledore could keep tabs on her and get the evidence needed to cure Harry! Needless to say, Snape was now the happiest he’d been in weeks. He busted into Albus’s office, not even bothering to knock, “I’ve got it, Albus! I’ve gotten proof!” He stalled when Professor Umbridge turned to regard him,

“Where are your manners Professor Snape? Though I would expect such behavior from such half-breeds as yourself.” She sneered.

Albus cleared his throat to get Umbridge’s attention, “I do not condone discrimination in this school. So if you don’t mind Dolores I would like you to keep those comments to yourself while working at this school.” Professor Umbridge sneered again but kept all comments on the matter to herself this time. Dumbledore turned his gaze to Severus and smiled, “I’m almost finished with my conference with Professor Umbridge so if you don’t mind would you please wait outside my office until we’re through?” Snape nodded stiffly before walking out of the office.

Snape paced back and forth outside the Headmaster’s office until, finally, Umbridge stepped out of the office and stalked down the hall.

Dumbledore held out a jar of lemon drops when Snape stepped into the office, “Care for a lemon drop?” He set the jar back on his desk when Severus shook his head. He leaned forward, resting his chin on top his hands, “Well then my dear boy, what have you found out?”

“I overheard a conversation between Potter and that hag after he ran out of the infirmary room. She-” Severus started, but paused when Dumbledore raised his hand,

“About that. Is it true that Poppy neutralized his magic due to the fact that Harry was trying to put himself in a coma?” Severus nodded, “So, then why is Harry being allowed to run around the school unsupervised?” Dumbledore asked calmly. Severus fidgeted slightly,

“I…didn’t think of that.” He muttered, feeling instantly guilty.

Dumbeldore nodded, assured that the message was clear, “I sent Poppy after him so don’t fret my boy. Now, continue with your story.” Severus thought for a moment.

“Umbridge told him to put this potion in your drink,” He pulled the vial out of his robes and handed it to Albus, “at dinner tonight with the threat that if he failed to accomplish this that “another” part of his soul would be ripped out and that I, myself, would suffer an even worse fate than him. I confronted him after they departed but he would not indulge me with any useful information. Although, I could infer that whatever Umbridge tells him to believe or do, that he would do it without a second thought.” He paused to let the information sink in. “It would explain why he believes that the Dark Lord isn’t alive and why he supposedly hates me with a passion but will do anything Umbridge says to protect me from harm.”

Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully, “That it would. Do you have any ideas as to how she’s ripping out his soul? I’m guessing that this sort of spell or item could only be procured from Knockturn Alley. You have not felt your Dark Mark react have you?” Severus shook his head and he nodded sadly, “This is all my fault. If only I had been more observant.” He turned the vial over in his hands, “My skills are slipping I’m afraid, Severus.” He looked up and smiled thinly, “So what is this concoction she wants him to put in my drink?”

Snape took the vial back and stuck it in his robes, “A subservience potion that also has a permanent Imperius curse attached. My guess is that she wants to control Hogwarts for the Ministry but throwing you out would cause too much of an uproar to have everyone’s support.” Dumbledore nodded and stuck a lemon drop in his mouth, sucking thoughtfully,

“We’re are going to let Harry succeed in putting a potion in my drink, but instead of that one how about a simple calming drought? I have been stressed lately and could use it right about now. We will then let our precious DADA teacher think she’s won then jump her and put her under Veritaserum?” Severus nodded slowly,

“That sounds feasible.” Severus looked up at Albus, “What about Harry though? I don’t think he should be made to suffer any more than he has already.”

“True, true…” Dumbledore admitted. “I would like you to enlist Ms. Hermione Granger and Mr. Ron Weasley in figuring out what Umbridge is using. They have the means a spy can only dream of.” His eyes twinkled knowingly. Severus rolled his eyes,

“They only have those means because you let them get away with so much, but fine, I agree. They have been pestering me as of late about Harry’s condition so this would probably help get them off my back…”

“But Professor!” Hermione complained, “How do you expect us to do anything when you won’t tell me about his symptoms!” Severus sighed and ran a hand down his face. He hated repeating himself,

“All I know, Ms. Granger, is that it causes the recipient to become completely subservient to the person who uses it on them. In Harry’s case, it seems it was used on him numerous times due to the fact that the infection on his chest has spread each time he’s been in Umbridge’s presence.” He paused and glared at the Weasley brat when he raised his hand before ignoring him and continuing, “My guess is at first he rejected the control over himself and fought back, each time his resistance wavering to where we are now when he’ll do anything she says out of fear. It has the basis for being the Imperius curse but from my information it has to do with Harry’s soul and the removal of it. That is all the information I’ve found out so far.” Hermione nodded as she jotted down his key points,

“We’ll do our best sir, we want Harry back to normal as well.” She smiled sadly, “Are we still not allowed to see him?” There was a small bead of hope in her voice.

Snape thought for a moment, “We’ve recently neutralized his magic so his psyche has improved slightly. If he is up to visitors you may see him but wait to be spoken to. He’s been under control of Umbridge and I don’t know if she’s made him believe anything about you two.” Hermione looked up at him,

“What does he do around you?” She asked curiously.

Snape glared at her, sighing for what felt like the hundredth time that hour when she did not back down, “She has forced him to hate me and fear me. To him I am untrustworthy but he’ll do everything in his power to protect me from her. It is very complicated to explain.” He led them out of his living room and down a short hallway to the last door on the right. The dark-haired man knocked swiftly before entering and closing the door shut behind him.

Harry sat in the far corner of the room. He didn’t even bother looking over at Snape, his eyes focused on the setting sun.

Snape cleared his throat, “Harry, there are two Gryffindors here to see you.”

Harry glanced at him, “Should I know them?”

Snape nodded, “They’re your best friends.” Harry sighed,

“Then I don’t want to see them. I will see them when I…” He cut off short and gripped his neck, “When I…”

Snape rushed forward but refrained from touching him, “Don’t try if it hurts you!” he scolded.

Harry laughed brokenly when the pain resided, “I need to feel the pain to know that I’m alive. I disobey her-…”He cut off again, and clenched his fists. Harry gave up a couple seconds later and gasped for air while leaning his head back against the wall.

Snape unclenched his fists at the sight and breathed in and out deeply, schooling his emotions, “I will tell them to leave then.” He exited the room and shook his head at the two students, “He doesn’t want to see you, not yet.”

Hermione nearly broke into tears and nodded her head swiftly, grabbing Ron’s arm as he started forward to protest, “Let’s go, Ron. The faster we start searching the better.” Ron gaped at her,

“B-But…” he stuttered.

“Now, Ronald!” She shouted, yanking him roughly towards the entrance. She looked at Snape over her shoulder, “We’ll let you know if we find anything. Good day.” The door slammed closed.

Harry sighed as he stared out at the cloudy sky. He wanted to remember the things that Umbridge had taken away from him. He wanted to be able to say how he felt without being restricted by an invisible pair of hands gripping his throat. Harry, most of all, wanted to be able to feel alive without having to cause himself pain.

He heard the door slam in the other room and wondered if the Potion’s master had left. Snape, Harry thought fiercely. He would remember that name. He had to if he was going to start reclaiming his lost memories. Harry climbed shakily to his feet and went over to the door. He opened it slowly and looked out, hiding back inside when he saw the familiar billowing of robes at the end of the hall disappear into the living room. He cursed softly when his glasses fell off his face in the scramble to get back inside the room without getting caught.

Harry crawled around on his knees, spanning his hands out and around, feeling for the smooth texture of his spectacles. His hand hit the corner of something sharp and thick and he hissed, drawing his hand back before feeling around more carefully for his glasses.

When Harry finally had his glasses back on his face he inspected his hand more closely for damage. There was only a small cut, a droplet of blood forming at the end. He put his head close to the floor and looked around for the sharp-ended object. His eyes fell across a glass case near the wall under the bed. He reached under and dragged the box out for him to inspect.

The glass case glowed in the waning sunlight, scattering tiny spectrums of color across the floor. He touched the lid gently as if it would break on contact and removed it slowly. His eyes widened in surprise, “A…A dragon egg…” He reached a hand in and brushed the tip of the egg with his forefingers, inhaling sharply as a tingling ran up his forearm. Harry put his other hand inside and lifted the egg into his lap, curling his hands around it protectively.

Harry felt something tremble inside the egg and paused. He twitched when the trembling strengthened and fissure-like cracks started to appear along the surface of the shell.

Harry watched transfixed as finally the shell broke and pieces went flying everywhere leaving behind a grey blob in its wake on Harry’s lap. Stormy blue eyes opened hesitantly and stared at Harry adoringly. It coughed loudly as it shook off the remnants of shell on its body. It squawked at Harry and sat on its haunches, waving a clawed hand in his direction.

Harry picked her up gently and hurried out of the room, “P-Potion’s…”He faltered before shouting, “Snape!”

The man appeared from a room on the far wall, a look of worry on his face, “Is something wrong?” Harry showed him the bundle in his hands,

“I…I didn’t mean for it to hatch. I just held it and it started shaking, honest!” Snape smiled and walked over to him, taking the dragon from his arms,

“There is nothing for you to be sorry for, this is your dragon.” Harry’s eyes lit up in what looked like to be the first happy memory he had had in a while.

“So…so that means she’s mine?” Harry questioned. Snape’s arched his brows,

“How do you know it’s a she?” Snape felt as if he was reliving their old conversation.

Harry shrugged, “When I touched her, I just sorta knew.” The dragon squawked and clawed on Snape’s cloak, bawling loudly, “Is something wrong with her?”

Snape smirked, “She’s just hungry and wants her mommy to feed her.” Harry frowned and looked around.

“Who’s her mom?” Snape had to keep himself from laughing,

“The first person she sees.”

Harry paled, “M-Me?!” He looked around hurriedly, “Can’t she change her mind! I mean, I can’t raise a kid let alone a dragon! I don’t even remember half my life!” Harry stopped, eyes widening, “I…I could say it…” He paused, “I disobey so that I can feel alive. I want to see my friends when I regain my memories!” Harry’s eyes watered in happiness, “I…I can say it! But, but how?”

Snape shook his head, just as confused as the man in front of him. They both froze before staring at the gray blob bawling for food in Severus’s arms. Snape shook his head, “It must be because you are near her aura. I can’t possibly think of any other possible solution…” He stalled, eyes lighting up, “Wait, what is Umbridge using to remove your soul?” There was an urgent tone in his voice.

Harry opened his mouth to speak but choked as he tried to form the word, “C-Can’t…” He winced.

Snape growled, “Can you describe it? Anything?” Harry shook his head sadly. He cursed softly and stormed into the kitchen to get food for the dragon. Snape set her on the counter as he transfigured a bottle out of a magnet on the fridge. He poured milk inside and heated it to lukewarm temperature with his wand, handing the dragon the bottle. She took it instantly and started sucking on the glass, trying to puncture it for the liquid inside.

Snape took pity on her and showed her the side to suck on, smiling softly as she started drinking hungrily. Reminds me of a human baby…He heard footsteps and turned to see Harry standing nervously in the doorway, “I…I’m sorry for not being helpful…” He stared at his feet, “I…I tried my hardest to-” He gasped as arms encircled his waist, holding him close,

“I’m the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn’t have gotten angry with you when it isn’t even your fault…” Harry sighed in relief,

“Thank you…Snape…” Harry mumbled into his chest. Severus closed his eyes and held the young man tighter against him. He didn’t want to let go. He never wanted to let the young man go, but, he didn’t want Harry to get punished either, for his selfishness. This thought was the only thing that made him release the brunette. He backed away and returned to the baby dragon that was eyeing the two of them speculatively, bottle discarded and empty. He picked her up and handed her back to Harry,

“Take care of her until dinner time. I’ll find you when we need to leave.” With that comment he left the room and exited his chambers.

Harry stared after him before he looked down at the dragon confused, “Did I do something wrong?” Stormy eyes regarded him,

‘I believe that he is in love with you…’ Harry’s eyes widened as he felt the faint touch in his head dissipate,

“You…you can understand me? And what do you mean ‘in love with me’? Were we dating?” Harry asked, questions swirling around in his head.

The dragon nodded, ‘I am a dragon. We are gifted and cursed with the ability of rebirth, just like your friend Fawkes.’ Harry felt her smile in his mind, ‘We remember our past lives and have learned many languages and different styles of magic, I even met the one you call Merlin centuries ago.’ Harry nodded slowly.

Another smile flashed through his head, “What is your name then? That is, if you don’t mind me asking. And what was with the bawling and whining act earlier?”

This time a laugh rang through his head, ‘I had yet to regain my memories, just as you are now, trying to get by and regain what was forcefully taken from you. Even as we speak I am remembering things of my previous lives.’ Another smile. ‘I would like to be called Aesc (I- esc) in this life, I believe that would be fitting, for the both of us.’ Harry nodded,

“Aesc, different, but I like it.” Harry sighed, “So Snape is in love with me?” Aesc laughed in his mind, ‘You make it seem like a bad thing. I believe that the two of you were fated to be together. You two are like Yin and Yang, Darkness and light, and Push and Pull. In other words, perfect for each other.’

Harry frowned, “So he left because…?” Aesc sent him a picture of a frown,

‘I may be a dragon but our study of the human race and the human heart always ends up futile. We can read pheromones of animals and bugs but ask us about the human heart and even the oldest of our kind can’t answer you. The heart is fickle in humans, no offense to you.’ At the look she was getting from Harry she sent a sigh through his mind, ‘I believe it is because he didn’t want to get you in any danger from this Umbridge person that threatens your life right now.’ She bared her teeth, ‘If only I could leave this room and grow teeth. I’d take care of her for you.’ Harry chuckled,

“Thanks Aesc.”

The door to Snape’s chambers opened, Snape appearing at the top of the stairs, “The dinner bell just rang, are you ready to eat?”

Harry nodded shakily, setting Aesc onto the ground, “I-I just need to get something from my room…” Snape’s eyes hardened slightly before nodding. Harry ran inside the room and grabbed the vial from atop the bed.

He felt Aesc’s influence over his control diminish completely as he walked out the door. Harry winced as he felt his freedom grow thin and his morals slip in to nothingness. He was now back under the toad’s control. Nothing but a nearly soulless puppet.